Angry Ginger

Come On!

2008-11-11T13:40:00.001-08:00

The only thing keeping me from coming home is that my heart rate will drop. I have to be seven days free of the "spells" before I can come home.

So come on spells, fuck off.
I want to come home so I can be held all day & have the titty on demand.

Rockin' In The NICU HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

2008-10-31T14:10:00.000-07:00

BOOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-10-19T05:05:00.000-07:00

Freakin' Clothes, Hot Nurse, & SpermDonor

2008-10-17T04:37:00.000-07:00

So the incubator warmers are off so I have to regulate my own temperature. That's totally bull shit. I also have to wear clothes now. That's also bullshit. I may look like SpermDonor, but my dislike for clothes I get from the MilkJugs.

I will fuss with all the nurses except my girlfriend. She's hot, young, & blonde. I don't fuss with her so she can put clothes on me & swaddle me all night long.

So last night I got a visit from MilkJugs & SpermDonor. I was going in & out of sleep so I only caught pieces of the conversation SpermDonor was telling me. He said something like he was an attonery or maybe it was that he kissed the Blarney Stone. I don't know what the hell he was talking about and it seems like it's a thin line between being an attonery & kissing a Blarney Stone. He also mentioned something that he will sue anyone that mistreats me. Well he better sue all the ugly nurses. I only want my girlfriend caring for me.

Victory!

2008-10-12T15:02:00.000-07:00

I won my battle with the air tube in my nostrils. The nurses took it out a few days ago and let me pee on it before throwing it away. I have a new enemy now, my feeding tube. It goes down my nose. Over the last few days, I've ripped it out about a half-dozen times. The nurses keep putting it back in for some reason. It may have something to do with the fact that I stop breathing when fed from the bottle and the tube is the only way I can eat. I don't see the big deal. So what if I stop breathing every now and then? Anyway, once I get the "breathe and eat" trick down, I'll be allowed to leave the hospital and pee all over my parents at their house. Heh, heh. I hope they're ready to get peed on, because I've got urine with their names on it.

Boobie juice is also putting wieght on me. I should sell this shit on the black market.

Forget About McCain/Palin

2008-10-07T15:48:00.000-07:00

Since I got myself born before the election, I recant my prior support for McCain/Palin. Now that I'm out of the womb, I don't have to worry about nutty issues like abortion. All I care about is getting changed on a regular basis.
I'm currently living in a NeoNatal Care Unit. It's a nice place, very warm, lots of female nurses catering to my every wish, and regular visits from my parents. I gripped onto my Pop's finger yesterday and wouldn't let him go. Moms has changed my diaper a few times, all is well. The only thing I don't like is the room quality oxygen that is being run through my nose to help me remember to breathe. I hate that thing! I keep pulling it out and the nurses keep putting more tape on me so I can't move it. I will win, believe me, I will win.
Part of me wants to get home to check out all those nice presents that I got from all my blogger friends, but then again, I'm not crazy about getting away from this 24 hour care.
For those of you who want to know how I was born, that's a whole other story that I will tell you later. Right now, I'm going back under my spotlight for my jaundice treatment. They just put my shades on.
AngryGinger out.

I Hate My Parents

2008-09-20T16:10:00.000-07:00

I don't ask for that much from my parents, just a little calcium from the LandLady's bones. If I get that, I'm fine. But I can't believe what the LandLady and the SpermDonor are doing to me. They're voting for . . . gasp . . . Obama/Biden.
Terrible, I know.
How can they support someone who is a baby killer? All I want to do is make sure that I'll be able to be born, and with nuts like McCain and Palin, who don't want to allow abortion even in cases of rape and incest, I won't have to worry about any trips to the abortionist in between stops at IHOP and Target.
My Grandma was trying to tell me that I have to think about the future, and about what McCain would do to Social Security. I reminded her that I'm due after the election, and that I just want to be born, we can worry about Social Security later. And little things like taxes, the war in Iraq, and the housing crisis are pretty trivial when compared to being born. Once I get out of the womb, we can deal with all that other stuff. In fact, once I'm born, I probably won't care about abortion until I'm in high school and I knock up some chick. At that point, I'll be in favor of it, but we'll deal with that when we get there.
I just want to get born.
VOTE McCAIN/PALIN, MAKE SURE I WILL BE BORN!

You Were All Wrong

2008-08-20T15:04:00.000-07:00

Today the Landlay and the SpermDonor found out what I have known for quite some time now . . .

I have a penis. Not just any penis, but an ENORMOUS penis. What pissed me off was that the woman who was doing the ultrasound referred to it as a "little penis." Look here Ms. No-Milk-In-Your-Jugs ultrasound tech, I have a big, BIG, B I G penis. It's huge.

In other news, I've been kicking the crap out of the Landlady lately. While the milkless wonder was doing the ultrasound, she commented that I have long legs and also that I have long toes. Everything else went aces during the ultrasound. My heart was beating at a healthy rate, my brain looked good, and my skeletal system checked out. My weight is a little above average, which is probably due to my massive penis.

And to all of you who thought I was a girl, you were wrong!

Ordering Pizza Is DIFFICULT!

2008-07-09T15:11:00.000-07:00

This is what happened when I tried to order a pizza yesterday.

"Papa John's."

"Hey, Mr. Papa Johns, I'd like a large pepperoni pizza."

"OK, what's your address."

"The womb."

"What?"

"The womb."

"What the hell are you talking about? Where the hell is that?"

"First, watch the foul language. Profanity makes Baby Jesus cry. Second, I live in the womb. I'm AngryGinger, a fetus. When can I expect my pizza?"

"I hate to burst your bubble kid, but there's more than one womb in the world. Can you be more specific."

"Verizon didn't have a problem getting my cell phone to me, what's the deal?"

"OK, OK, tell me about your parents, maybe that will help."

"Well, dad's angry all the time and has a beard. He hates how mom is making him talk to her belly just so I can hear his voice and will know who he is when I'm born. And I agree, I've got half his genes as it is, I'll know who he is."

"Hmmm, I think I know that guy. Is he the one who got banned from the county library recently?"

"Yeah, that's the one. So can you get me my pizza?"

"Sorry, fetus, but I don't know where you live. What about your mom? What can you tell me about her?"

"She's a ginger, short, gets up early in the morning . . ."

"That sounds familiar."

"She's also a raging whore."

"Oh! You mean C.Rag!"

"Yeah, that's the one."

"We'll be there in 20 minutes. The pizza's on the house."

"Cool, man. Why's it free?"

"It's a thank you to your mom."

"What for?"

"She knows."

Free pizza is awesome.

NO THAT'S MY BATHING SUITE AREA & More THANKS

2008-07-05T17:25:00.000-07:00

So there I was minding my own business, when I started feeling this thing moving on my roof. It can't be fat Santa & his reindeer. It's not December. At first I just thought it was the LandLady bumping & grinding. I've come to terms with her slutness. That's why I've come to terms with my prudness too. So I heard some strange man's voice saying, "That's the head. Let me measure it."
I thought to myself "Holy Shit Wiggles! There's some strange man looking at me."
He continued on saying, "There's the arms, heart beat..."
I was kicking my legs in anger. This Peeping Tom needs to leave me alone.
It was probably the same Peeping Tom that was looking at me when my intestines were lingering outside of me.
I heard the Peeping Tom say, "Okay, I'm going to move between the legs."

Oh no he didn't just say that. I'm not in some kiddie porn show. So I crossed my legs. No one is looking at my bathing suite area.
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I can't thank all of my Blogging Buddies enough for their kindness. I have two more awesome cool gifts from two of the coolest buddies in BlogLand. I can't wait until I'm out so I can wear their gifts while looking super awesome & beat up other kids at my play group.

The first gift comes from Malach The Merciless. It's an onesie of his softball team KMP with my name ANGRYGINGER & my number, 1, on the back. Don't worry Malach when I'm out of here, I will school you on how to play softball in my rockin' onesie. THANKS!

The second gift comes from the best Aussie EVER EVER, Cissy Strutt! She's also a fellow ginger so we are bounded by the Ginger Code, we kick ass because we have a mutated MC1R protein gene. My head will never get cold in my chocolate brown hat. I plan on wearing this when I leave the hospital since it will be cold when I finally pop out.

Damn Right I'm Thankful

2008-06-23T15:33:00.000-07:00

Yes I know I'm lazy piece of developing human & my thank yous are way over due, but when you are growing important organs & peeing inside your LandLady time seems to slip by. So Cash inspected everything for me since I'm still a prisoner.
I want to give shout outs to those I hadn't given out in my previous Thank Yous.

The Real Mother Hen got me this a bird thingy. Of course she got me a peacock, because pea & cock are funny words & they like to show off how beautiful they are. I know I will be beautiful just like the Male Britney.

Simply Curious Girl got me a mirror. She totally agrees that vanity is the way to go. Looks are everything. Sometimes ugly people do win like Seal getting Heidi Klum, but God likes to shake things up a bit for a good laugh or cry.

Mike or his daughter or his wife got me a cool stuff doggy & swaddle blanket which is almost like a straight jacket. I will remember who got me a straight jacket. Cash was not a fan of the dog because the dog was white. She's a racist, but it's okay. She's black.

COLCOL has a cool first name. I want his first name if I'm a boy, but the LandLady said no. He rocks with the high Snuffleupagus stuff animal & I'm going to be banging my head even though my neck muscles are developed to AC/DC.

Tombo's other kick ass gift came. Yes I will be shouting red devil duckies at my LandLady & SpermDonor. They suck, but all of you guys rock.

Phoebe Fay & I both want to be sedated. I will be rockin' in my Ramones onesie.

Again to the one woman with rocking breasts who started this all, I want to give you a big fetus hug to Here Today Gone Tomorrow . Please note I'm only about 5.5 inches long & I'm a size of a large ass bell pepper so the hug will feel more like a flutter in your stomach. Thank you for all of your gift including the crib sheets which made the LandLady very happy. I plan on pushing the SpermDonor & the LandLady out of the bed so they'll have to sleep in the crib. Also a big bark from Cash for the Johnny Cash Onesie. She's very partial to her namesake.

Room and Board Issues

2008-06-12T15:32:00.001-07:00

Man, I'm bored in here. I got a new TV installed, but it keeps shorting out. Stupid amniotic fluid, it really does a number on my electronics. On the plus side, I've managed to knock down a few walls and I'm slowly taking over more and more of my landlady. If this keeps up, I'll pretty much run her entire body. That'll be a major improvement over the current state of affairs, let me tell you. She has terrible taste in food, and I have to work really hard to get her to eat a meatball sub. She won't even eat good deserts! Last night we were at a friend of her's and SpermDonor's who made strawberry tarts with ice cream for desert. Did she eat hers? NO! She just gave it to SpermDonor. What a rip.

You Really Like Me Part I

2008-05-12T18:00:00.000-07:00

Of course you mofos fucking like me. I'm Angry & a Ginger. I rock. Since I'm unable to check out the gifts in person that you all got me, Cash made sure they were safe & not laced with cat kooties. I'm trying to convince the LandLady to give me the gifts now. Her vag should be big enough to get them up to me. I've heard rumors that the LandLady has been around.

Here's the first gift, one from my homie Uncle Ted V. He got me the lullaby tunes of the Cure. As Uncle Ted BadAss V said "It sure beats the fuck out of Barney." Thank you very much. I hate big purple toolbag dinosaurs.
The next gift was the satanic rubber ducky. Thanks goes to Tombo who has excellent taste. Cash had to make sure it was safe since cat cooties & the devil are related.
For the final box that arrived today, I have to give big props to the Lady who started all of this. Without her I wouldn't have anything. The LandLady & the SpermDonor are cheap and would rather spend their money on bourbon & porn which they say it's not for me. I want me some porn & bourbon, too! Share the wealth, man! A big AngryGinger hug & thanks goes out to Here Today Gone Tomorrow.
Thanks for doing all of this. I'll be rocking with the Ramones, my organic receiving blanket, & my two awesome books.

Pittsburgh & Gifts for Me

2008-05-09T05:21:00.000-07:00

Pittsburgh:That's all I have to say about Pittsburgh.

Gifts:
Here Today Gone Tomorrow set a gift registry for me. I than directed LandLady what I wanted: Bourbon, guns, & porn. The LandLady said no, so I made her pay for her rebellion. I made her puke twice one day. HAHA! Take That! Instead there are onesies and other baby stuff. Right now I'm a nudist, but in the outside world I have to wear clothes which is really lame.
Click on the Angry Baby button:

Roadtrip!!!

2008-04-27T16:47:00.000-07:00

To where? Pittsburgh! Why oh why does my first trip have to be to Pittsburgh? Do they want to make me suffer? Why can't we go to Las Vegas? I want strippers. Do you know what Pittsburgh strippers look like?Yes it is horrible. I've already decided that my LandLady & Sperm Donor are lame ass butt lickers.

I should sell them on eBay.

Dilemmas

2008-04-22T08:14:00.000-07:00

Dilemma #1:

What should I do if the LandLady is pro-choice while I’m pro-life?

Should I kill her once I’m out the womb for her wanting to kill off my brother & sister fetuses?

She believes in cheating life out of life. She wants to suck out all other brother & sister fetuses in other wombs throw them in the dumpsters & do a jig on the lives she killed. She is the devil. I’m living in the devil.

Dilemma#2:

Not only am I having all these moral issues with the LandLady, I’m also having a problem with the Sperm Donor who assumes I like every single sport & teams he likes. I have news for you, Sperm Donor, this is what I like. So you can bite my neck hair.

What will happen if I don't like one of these teams? What will happen if I don't like any of these teams? What will happen if I like one on the left just to piss you off when I'm a teenager? It could happen so you better get nachos for the LandLady.

What if my favorite bird is this?

What if I love this sport with such a passion?

Point is that I may not even like sports. I may be something like Atlas with his dolls. I may only like ballet. No reason to put pressure on me right now. Or I'll have to kill you at the same time I kill the Baby Killer LandLady, so Cash & I can move to Grandma's.

Oh No You Didn't

2008-04-15T06:41:00.001-07:00

Yesterday morning I was doing what I normally do, sleep while my intestines linger outside of my body, which is totally normal.
Then this doctor fellow stick this wand up my LandLady's koochie to take pictures of me. For one thing I didn't ask for pictures. I didn't have any clothes on. I was asleep! What the Hell! Meanwhile Sperm Donor was extremely uncomfortable with some weirdo doctor sticking things up the LandLady. The LandLady was trying not to laugh at the situation.
I see no reason why they couldn't wait until I was awake to have some weirdo who looks at koochies all day to take my picture. As soon as the Sperm Donor scans in my picture, I will put it up.

What do I have to do to get some privacy?

Pizza Pizza Pizza!

2008-04-05T06:50:00.000-07:00

I love this thing called pizza. I've won the battle in making my LandLady miserable unless she gives me pizza. I've made her throw up at work when she's eaten healthy shit. I'm not down with organic fruit, meats, veggies, & cheeses. They suck. I want pizza. I'll make her throw up if she doesn't give me pizza. I also like fruit bars.

She has finally learned what I want. She is slowly coming to terms that I get want I want.

PIZZA!

I’m Down With It.

2008-03-26T10:18:00.001-07:00

So I have a plan against the man or my LandLord who is a lady…as far as I know.

My LandLady is naturally cold. She layers like an Eskimo when it’s only 50 degrees. Come on!

I can’t make her sick, but I can make her colder. I’m sucking all her warmth.

YES…ALL THE WARMTH FOR ME!

Attack #1

2008-03-22T04:51:00.000-07:00

So Cash has telepathically order me to make my LandLady very sick. The problem is that she has a stomach of steel. She doesn't have nausea and she's not vomiting. I don't know what else I can do. I have limited mobility right now so I can't be too much of a disruptive tenant. Any suggestions or should I just wait until I'm a teenager to deal out my damage.

Hey It's Dark In Here

2008-03-20T16:51:00.000-07:00

This uterus I'm living in is pretty dark. I'm trying to get my own place. Apparently you have to experience live birth to rent from most landlords, so it's not going that well. I get surprisingly good cell phone service here.

So I've just been recruited to join an army. An army of canines to take over the world. They are going to use me as the mole. I'm Hu-Man, but I will follow my leader the brave Cash. All you Hu-Mans think I'm one of you, but I'm not. We shall overcome.