This is what happened when I tried to order a pizza yesterday.
"Papa John's."
"Hey, Mr. Papa Johns, I'd like a large pepperoni pizza."
"OK, what's your address."
"The womb."
"What?"
"The womb."
"What the hell are you talking about? Where the hell is that?"
"First, watch the foul language. Profanity makes Baby Jesus cry. Second, I live in the womb. I'm AngryGinger, a fetus. When can I expect my pizza?"
"I hate to burst your bubble kid, but there's more than one womb in the world. Can you be more specific."
"Verizon didn't have a problem getting my cell phone to me, what's the deal?"
"OK, OK, tell me about your parents, maybe that will help."
"Well, dad's angry all the time and has a beard. He hates how mom is making him talk to her belly just so I can hear his voice and will know who he is when I'm born. And I agree, I've got half his genes as it is, I'll know who he is."
"Hmmm, I think I know that guy. Is he the one who got banned from the county library recently?"
"Yeah, that's the one. So can you get me my pizza?"
"Sorry, fetus, but I don't know where you live. What about your mom? What can you tell me about her?"
"She's a ginger, short, gets up early in the morning . . ."
"That sounds familiar."
"She's also a raging whore."
"Oh! You mean C.Rag!"
"Yeah, that's the one."
"We'll be there in 20 minutes. The pizza's on the house."
"Cool, man. Why's it free?"
"It's a thank you to your mom."
"What for?"
"She knows."
Free pizza is awesome.
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
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19 comments:
He better not burst your bubble. Once that bubble bursts, you'll be whooshing your way out here.
And keep ordering pizzas. Your landlady needs way more carby goodness.
Slutty MILF's Rule
You are a feisty ginger. That's grand!
More anchovies, please!
I wish I could get some pizza once in a while. All Wifey wants is Chinese food . . .
The Fay,
I was able to get a cell phone & a laptop up in the womb so the pizza will be able to fit too.
The Merciless,
Stay away from my Mama unless you have a free pizza!
The Strutt,
Is there any other kind of ginger?
COLCOL,
I don't do fish. I get enough of the fishy smell.
AngryMan,
I WANT CHINESE FOOD!!
In addition to the cellphone and Dell, you ought to be able to load up on credit cards while you're in there. There are ALL sorts of cool things you can order once you have a dozen of those.
COLCOL,
I have a MacBook Air.
It was an easy setup for me.
I remember when my wife was pregnant we had pizza delivered to her uterus and the smelly turkish delivery guy insisted the fetus give him a tip, he just wouldn't get his dirty hand out of the womb until he got paid
Ted,
I heard the delivery guy say something about a "Happy Ending".
I don't know what he meant.
He meant more anchovies.
If you can get a laptop and a cell phone and a pizza on up in there, you can get a kitty cat, too.
With a wordy post like that, you're sounding like a girl.
So Ginger Kid no longer wants Asian food now?
Tell ya, Ginger Kid, pizza is evil, only rice and stir-fried are God's food.
If you like pizza when you're inside the womb, you'll love pizza when you're outside the womb. Plus you get to leave the plates, boxes, etc. all over the house for your parents to pick up after you.
They'll love it! x
Sheesh, don't they have caller ID at these pizza places? I thought they all did nowadays.
So how was the pizza? You didn't share I assume?
I have baptized you over the Internet, so no worries child, thanks be to Baby Jesus+!-
I had anchovies on my pizza last night - yummers!
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